I thought I knew jet lag before. But I’m now convinced you don’t truly know jet lag until you’ve travelled halfway across the world and dove into a half-day time difference. I write this as I still climb from its depths a week later, still in awe, still waking up from the dream of finally having visited the destination that’s held a place in my heart since childhood.
During my blissfully surreal pilgrimage, on which my family accompanied me, my mom took every opportunity to drag my long-term ardor of Japan into each conversation she had with the locals, and so they inevitably turned to me to inquire further: Why? What brought this on? When exactly did my seed of interest in Japan get planted?
My earliest memory was viewing the credits of old games like Sonic the Hedgehog and Mortal Kombat (remember, repeatedly beating these games weekly meant end credits rolled often) and seeing the “funny-sounding names” as a child, not yet knowing they were simply foreign. Then, as my cousins paved the way further down the anime road, I fell in love with the deeper themes and recurring values until my interest progressed beyond that gateway. I found myself drawn to reading and learning more about the Japanese customs I saw in anime, daily life, societal standards and habits, innovation. I carried around a notebook with Japanese terms and the hiragana alphabet as a child. I played Japanese language CD-ROMS, took a college language course, and casually self-studied purely out of personal interest.
And as much as I researched the Japanese culture for fun, there will always be things you can only truly learn through experience. So I made a list of all the unexpected elements I encountered on my thrilling journey.
1) The Jingles.
Everywhere you go, you are hearing some kind of charming music and I absolutely loved it. The Yamanote line jingle gave me pleasurable delight each time it graced my ears. Each train station line plays its own mini-ditty as folks enter and exit the train doors. As weirdly quiet as the streets can be sometimes (no, really, even traffic down main arteries sounded oddly muted), company trucks driving through gently interrupted the traffic silence playing pop music. TeamLab Planets might have the most memorable music of my trip; that ish sounded like some Koji Kondo orchestrated masterpiece or something. You will constantly hear music playing from stores and shopping complexes outside of the buildings, though somehow, it’s not loud, jarring or blaring inside. The constant tunes gave main-character-background-music energy. Even the ramen shops and bars had me and my sister pulling out our phones to Shazaam Kinetic. Japan does ambient music extremely well, and it seems like an exceptional integrated daily mood-lifter for mental health.
2) The Vending Machines Dispense Tiny Bottles.
As someone who has argued with waitresses over my right to order a kid’s meal, I appreciated that the abundant vending machines where you can get a lil’ drink for as low as 190 yen (approximately $1.20) dispensed the cutest little less-than-half-size bottles. Perfect for quenching an immediate thirst, easy to store in your bag without taking up space or adding much weight, leisurely to finish and savor at your own pace. If we had this option at home, I’d 100% be opting for that over the standard 20oz everywhere.
3) MAD People Climb to the Top of Fushimi Inari.
I take a lot of pride in the fact that I hand-created my travel itinerary. I did not input anything into ChatGPT to throw ish together for me, because this was my dream trip, and not a compilation of “Most Popular Things Everyone Else Did in Japan.” I Googled every location I was interested in, read blogs, scoured reviews, and mapped distances myself to group sites and activities together by location. Oh, and, of course, read copious amount of Reddit opinions. Fushimi Inari Taisha was one of the shrines I’d always had on my list to visit ever since seeing Memoirs of a Geisha (of which the boo still remains on my Top 10 list), but was now an uber-popular destination with every online post telling you to GO EARLY to avoid crowds (early being sunrise to 7am), that most tourists just stopped at the base for pictures and moved on, and that if you only went up about 1/3 of the way, most people have given up and gone back down so you’ll pretty much have those gates to yourself.
WELL.
Maybe it was because we had to move our Fushimi day from a strategic Thursday (because it rained all day) to a Sunday morning. And “bright and early” for me was making it there at a good 7:30am, best I had, and it was pretty jumping already. Our fellow visiting climbing-comrades must have been largely non-Americans who really loved walking and climbing because while sure, it was a BIT less crowded the further you went up, ERRYONE WAS STILL GOING UP. It was not even our intended plan to make it all the way to the top, but in trying to get ahead of the packs of people, we accidentally made the Fushimi Peak Achievement. If this is what online folks thought of as “less crowds”, I would hate to see what it was like in the afternoon. By 9:30am, we were back at the bottom to enjoy the street vendors.
4) My Regular Sneakers Were Fine and My Feet Never Hurt
Keeping in line with the online warnings, you’ll see waves of posts on Reddit talking about how many steps you’ll take in Japan and echo chambers of, “Buy a new pair of great walking sneakers!” “What kinds of sneakers should I buy for Japan?” “Don’t get new sneakers; wear a pair of broken-in ones already!” “I’m from New York, will it still seem like a lot of walking to me? – YES, EVEN IF YOU’RE FROM NEW YORK, YOU WON’T BE READY FOR ALL THIS WALKING.”
Somehow, this New Yorker was unphased by all the walking. What DID affect me more was simply the lack of available seating (more on that further down) but I alternated between a pair of Vans and Blowfish sneakers (my usual shoes, which my sister found too flat for her liking) and my feet did not protest once. No blisters, no discomfort, just a tired back at the end of the day. I’m one of those weirdos who doesn’t track their steps in these modern times, so I can’t tell you how many I take in a normal day, but I’m a New Yorker who loves walking, and trust me, we did a lot of it.
5) Don’t Expect Sweetened Tea ANYWHERE.
They don’t do that here. Our first Airbnb stocked the cabinets with honey thankfully, but if you’re consuming tea anywhere in the public sphere (restaurants, vending machines, etc…), be prepared for pure, bitter flavor. I lament a little that I did not try the staple bottled green tea once, because I already knew what was up, but I did choke down a bottled Earl Grey flavor, just for immersive experience purposes. It was oddly refreshing if you got past the lack of enjoyable taste.
6) Sprouts in Ramen Ain’t Really a Thing Here.
So why do we see it so much in America?? I would say only about 20% of my ramen bowls in Japan came with sprouts. Why is it so often a default here? Do they think it’s authentic? Apparently it’s not. And good riddance.
7) The Phenomenal Bathroom Culture.
We’ve all heard about the heated toilet seats and the “privacy sound emission”. But Japanese bathroom culture is in a whole different league. Yes, the toilet seat auto-heats as you approach it somehow, without you having to press anything (what witchery is this??), inviting your bottom cheeks to its throne. I finally had my first bidet experience, and while I was intimidated to try at first, by the end of my trip I knew I would miss it.
But then, let’s look at design. Since we basically stayed in Airbnbs the whole time, we got to see what the standard bathroom setup was. You have what I lovingly refer to as the toilet closet, a tiny room with just the toilet (sometimes with a handy mini-sink in the back whose faucet only activated upon flushing), which I initially thought I’d get claustrophobia from, but turned out to be completely fine. Then you generally had your bathtub room, where there was a deep tub and an open shower right next to it (because scrubbing before soaking is the historic norm here); the floor in here is completely tiled with a drain in here, so while it felt weird at first to just shower in the open right next to the tub, I adjusted pretty quickly.
Then generally there was another separate sink room, with just the sink and mirrors. All of these compartments were usually cut off from one another with their own doors, wonderful for travelling families so different members could do their business in the different parts of the bathroom without interfering with the others.
Add in the fact that public restrooms were extremely accessible, abundant, and clean, and most of them even had this thoughtful “child seat” in the stalls, for mothers to plop their kid into while they did their business. Thoughtful innovation.
8) The Buttery-Soft Public Transport Conductor Voices.
The majority of the time on public transportation, it is quiet. And even when the conductor makes an announcement, their voice is soft and soothing. One night on the bus I was absolutely entranced by the driver’s voice; this dude should have had a contract somewhere doing some kinda voice work. It was around 8pm or so and as each stop approached, he gently whispered, sometimes dragging out the ends of his sentences with a slight hiss. As if he didn’t want to wake anyone who might be napping on the bus. I lowkey felt like this man’s voice was seducing my ears. Someone hire him for an ASMR bedtime track. I’d pay money.
9) Yes, You Must Adopt to Less Seating and Trash Cans.
I had already read that there would be less seating and a noticeable lack of trash cans due to their push to minimize loitering and that ’95 terrorist attack; it still took some getting used to. There are seats on the train which half the time I gave up to the elderly, in restaurants, and I guess, parks. And that’s kind of it. While my family perused endless stores in malls and shopping complexes, I had much difficulty finding a place to sit and wait for them. At one mall, I finally found some seating at the top floor, only to find it was maybe a row of 5 seats, all occupied by the elderly. Outside, you’ll find less benches as much as an interesting “seating” design of two long poles, one to rest your back on and the other your bottom. Be prepared to stand much more than usual.
10) Do Not Expect to Actually SEE The Imperial Palace.
Somehow, nothing I read or researched online warned me about this. I saw multiple accounts that the private tours you can sign up for are not worth it because you don’t actually go into the palace so I didn’t bother with those, but I at least thought I’d get to SEE it! Every higher vantage point we climbed to from the surrounding gardens had no views of the actual palace. Not even a spire or a rooftop. I was pretty huffy over it.
It’s hard to explain the inner joy I felt as I wandered the narrow streets, stared up at the dazzling buildings, made konbini-runs, and chirped “Gochisou-sama desuuu” after a meal. Even bumbling around trying to count out yen quickly enough for a purchase or pulling out a Google Translate scan on packages and instructions detracted nothing. The culture shock hits you hard, but to be in the midst of it, navigating the train system, getting lost in Sunshine City mall, figuring out how the hell to communicate with the waitstaff, and racking your brain over which tickets to insert to get on the shinkansen; I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
*Bonus Element*: Street Crossing culture.
No cars in sight, but the Don’t Walk sign is still up? You ain’t going nowhere then. Lest you want to be the lone person crossing while hordes of patient crowds wait on either side until the Walk sign says you can now cross. Because rules are adhered to here. Oh, and when the green Walk sign starts to blink rapidly, HAUL ASS.
~Tael
I couldn’t be sad. I couldn’t be pissed. I couldn’t ask one too many questions. I couldn’t bring up something that bothered me if 24 hours had elapsed already (although he could); it meant I was thinking about it for too long, which angered him. I couldn’t do what genuinely came naturally. I was only allowed to express happy emotions and say things that equaled praise in regards to him. If he had made me sad, it meant he had failed in all aspects and couldn’t handle it, which resulted in him lashing out at me or saying he may as well leave then. If I read a menu improperly in his mind, he had to devote time to explaining why I was wrong about it, until the food came exactly as I had depicted it would, then there was nothing more to say. He could do no wrong. The rules didn’t apply to him. He could be jealous but I couldn’t. He could announce when it was time to leave an event or outing, even if I wanted to stay, but we could never leave if I was ready to go before he was. I wasn’t allowed to point out any faults of his.
The amount of money he also borrowed from his father, in addition to me, showed me I might never get the the level of respect I craved. Because that’s someone who’s been there his entire life, and far nicer than myself, and I just popped up late in the game. The professions of marriage and kids seemed like the strangest thing coming from him, blurted in moments of drunkenness. He stormed away from me during every argument, even though he told me he hated when I did it (so I’d stopped, but he continued), multiple times, so the conflicts lasted even longer because a proper conversation couldn’t even be held. He’d admitted to me that whatever he didn’t like, he walked away from it. That was his M.O. in life. Which is exactly what he did to me. Straight into his ex’s arms the same night he left me. It was proof that whatever I had tried so desperately to protect, was flimsy and provisional. Why didn’t I see it before? Why don’t we ever see it? The abuse and manipulation runs so deep, you don’t even notice it hidden behind the emotion which equals passion which equals…meaning…? You don’t realize the bonds you thought were so strong were really transient cancers, and the longer cancer lasts the more it leaves you sick, ravaged and exhausted. After the breakup, I stumbled across posts asking “Were you dating a narcissist?” and the lightbulb flashed and grew in brightness. The selfishness, the need for instant gratification, the manipulative tactics when they don’t get their way, the sense of entitlement, the charming mask for outsiders, the table-turning.
Tael's Beat 