Month: December 2025

Boring. Boundaries. Balance.

~ Tael ~ Leave a comment

While catching up with friends during a very extended birthday celebration week and commenting on the year’s impending end, I reflected on how chill this year has been for me.

And how, I couldn’t remember the last time I was able to say that. That my year was not stressful. Lacking in chaos. No severe disruptions. Damn near breezy. I mentioned this to my cousin at Christmas and he immediately (and impressively) confirmed what I’d done differently this year: Boundaries. The thing my therapist had kept coming back to for forever before she graduated me some time ago. This year, I veered away from any signs of toxicity. If it didn’t bring me peace, joy, or some kind of fulfillment, it didn’t get my attention. If it was fuzzy, lacked clarity, or made me question myself, I walked away. If it made me feel icky or negatively influenced, I fell back.

Even if it was family, friends, or familiar.

They say the healthiest actions are the most boring ones. Routine exercise and eating well. Getting proper sleep. Drinking water. Not chasing immediate gratification in drugs or substances or adrenaline or attention. Not very exciting elements. And yet, my year was not dull.

I showed up for friends who needed me. I went to PoGo Fest in Jersey City. I pushed myself to progress in my salsa journey, going to socials and asking strangers and teachers to dance when I was terrified at my lack of skill. Building a hobby out of nowhere, I made connections in the new community I’d found, and as a result, I was more active and more social. With more movement, my body began to show me the importance of rest and how I needed to prioritize it more, and not just go-go-go until I buckled under fatigue. I finally spent more weekends guiltlessly doing absolutely nothing and it felt amazing and refreshing and not boring at all. I embraced the concept of rest as a necessity and not a waste of time that could be better spent. And after a day or two of nothing but loafing, I was always ready to unpause and get back out there.

I represented at my sister’s graduation when my mom was absent, cheering with pride when she crossed the stage to take her diploma. I planned a random family trip to Barbados since her own graduation trip got cancelled, her first out-of-the-country experience. For my birthday, I decided to get a second helix piercing to make the first one I got during Covid a set. I chose “mutiny” against long-time family holiday traditions, choosing to stand up for changes I found enjoyable, rather than swallowing my own desires for the decades-old practices my family was glued to. I broke tradition, but maybe started new ones. I maxed out my Roth IRA for the year. I finally decided that, whether I found a flight deal or not, it was time to book my dream trip for next year, and have delighted in researching my itinerary.

I had so many late nights, planned and impromptu, filled with dance, joy, popcorn and ramen. I wandered the East Village with a friend one night and ended up in a restaurant where we were invited to be added to their wall of customer polaroids. I went to my first SOUP PARTY in Brooklyn where you sample homemade soup varieties. I HALLOWEENED. I built a consistent morning routine of tea and gentle stretching to start the day. My message and social media response time grew even worse because I was immersed in situations that appealed to me, more attractive than idle scrolling to pass time, which equaled more presence.

I’ve long since realized that much of the chaos I’ve encountered in life has been other people bringing it to me. But this year, I didn’t need to keep anyone entertained, lest they grow bored with stability. I didn’t need to manage anyone’s unhealthy habits or anxiety or walk on any eggshells from their stress. I marveled in silent apartment time, peaceful walks, reciprocal conversations, sunsets falling behind water towers of urban landscapes and discovering more Lofi and Chillhop. And I feel nothing but gratefulness for this year. Grateful that I’ve made it this far in life and the fact that I’ve always been able to appreciate tiny, joyful things. And realizing, I just frequently found myself in the company of others who couldn’t.

If I have any “resolution” at all as this New Year approaches, it would be to stay on this path of “boring”. Of staying active and loving sunlight and reading more. Of healthy calm, doing what feels best for me and not vying for validation outside of myself. Of minding my New York business and staying out of others’ chaos, while staying grounded in my inner-peace party. That La-La land in my head. Because mentally, I made my own inner space a happy place to be. And healthy mind/body/spirit has always been the goal.

Wishing you your best boring New Year too. 🙂 Stay ninja.

~Tael

Holidaisical

~ Tael ~ 1 Comment

This is the 3rd year in a row that I’ve bought a live pine tree all for myself as an adult living alone for the Christmas season. Nothing crazy; about 5 feet and slender, to fit in the little space between my TV and desk. The first year I tried this out, it was on a random whim under the premise that it was for my cats. You know, so they could experience an indoor tree in person. But who was I kidding? Once I set it up, I remembered my own delight at having one.

If you know me, really know me, you know I love Christmas. My favorite holiday of the year; my favorite season (just Christmas, not winter). My birthday shares the same month (Sag season, let’s go!) but I happily let Christmas overtake and surpass my celebration of birth. Since childhood, my joy for the season has never diminished. I love exchanging gifts with my people, and have never felt the gift hunt to be any kind of hassle. Rather, for me it’s like a quest, physically scouring deal-stomping-grounds for gifts in the wild, or combing through Internet searches for the best sales and hidden gems. And then, thrilling in the final discoveries like rare items plucked from a Zelda treasure chest after traversing the dungeon or completing the random side-quests to reach them.

I mail gifts to friends I haven’t seen in years. I’ve surprised co-workers with trinkets in the holiday spirit. Ever since I got my first really stable job as an adult, I’ve made it a point to make a contribution to a toy drive each year, because I want to help a kid have something to unwrap for Christmas. I love to share holiday spirit with someone else who adores Christmas as much as I do. One of my fonder holiday memories was the opportunity to volunteer to wrap gifts for a youth mentor program amidst Christmas music and a digital fireplace (sadly, they’ve never offered the chance again since). It never gets old immersing myself in the colorful lights of themed bars, the festive decor of restaurants, or the spirited bustle of urban holiday markets. I’m delighted to frolic at every Christmas pop-up activity, sipping hot chocolate and candy-cane drinks surrounded by tinsel and humming Carol of the Bells.

All this Fa-la-la-la-laaa spewing is going somewhere. For the last 25 years or so, my family has had a tradition of gathering at the “dedicated Christmas celebration location.” Me, my mom and sister, aunt and cousins, and godmother convene together with all of our gifts where the “proper” large and full tree is stationed. Then we position the gift haul around Main Tree, looking straight out of a Home Alone movie snapshot. Now, because of this long-time tradition, it never occurred to me to have my own tree as well, because it wouldn’t be the Christmas Day centerpiece to celebrate with. But this barely-my-height-gotta-keep-you-alive-for-a-month giant plant gave me pleasant tingles, just by being there. This tiny, joyful thing.

So this year, I went straight to where I knew the closest tree seller in my neighborhood was on my lunch break, soaking in some much-needed vitamin D happiness daylight in these SAD season times. And I strolled back to my apartment giddily carrying this $60 tree in my arms. “$60 for that???,” my mom would likely say. Yes. For this accessory that bolsters my merriment for the month. I’ve yet to purchase a single decoration myself thus far, because over the years I’ve amassed a hodgepodge of adornments, some left behind, some saved from being thrown away by others, and many gifted, from Super Mario lights to custom ornaments to old candy canes and stockings. I saved them all as they came my way, never foretelling how they’d take the stage now. And here in my home, there is no one to criticize my meaningful mix & match, and tell me that it’s too many colors and that it doesn’t look like a tree out of a Home and Gardens Christmas-edition catalog. I can just enjoy it as is without it needing to be perfect or prizeworthy.

I stuck this year’s tree into the overpriced stand I’d bought last year ($32 freaking dollars from a local hardware store, so clearly I gotta keep getting more trees to get my money’s worth out of it), and cheerfully regarded the Christmas representation in my own space. Then I proceeded to sit quietly on the floor, playing lo-fi music on YouTube and fondly wrapping the collected loot I’d thus far hunted. Gently folding and creasing and pressing little trinkets into pretty, presentable, packages. For me, it’s therapeutic. It’s enrichment.

It’s a reminder that these tiny, joyful things fill me up so much. And I should continue to let them.

~Tael